Your book hit me like a bombshell.

I couldn't put it down. I was married for 12 years to a man who I am now convinced has Adult ADD. So many things that happened that I could not make sense of - now make sense. Between Driven to Distraction and your book, my 15 year relationship with him and all of its turmoil has taken a new perspective. Briefly, my husband left me and our 2 children 5 years ago "for better opportunities." He threw away a wife who loved him and two wonderful sons. I feel I could have written some of the chapters of your book because they paralleled our lives so closely. I thought he was a narcissist with no regard for others. His behavior was always a mystery to me. I hung in there as the classic codependent caregiver, nurse who could fix things. Unfortunately, this one took its toll. With your book, I have a new perspective. Since our divorce, his life has remained a disaster - more job changes; a brief; failed marriage; estrangement from his family, etc., etc. Deep down I still love this man, but was always at a loss as to how to help him and myself. I virtually gave up because his anger always seemed to be directed at me despite being the one who stood by him and supported him.

The good news is that I gave him your book and Driven to Distraction. Although, he hasn't been able to focus enough to get through them, he's read enough to now see that he needs help. It too hit him like a bombshell. As he put it, "this condition is debilitating and affecting every aspect of his life." He actually called me to say he's seeking intervention and requests my support. I hope he follows through. He's contacting the local CHADD chapter for a referral...

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Overwhelmed

Dr. Maté, I am overwhelmed and can only say a very strong THANK YOU!   You have helped me find myself like no one else has been able to do, and I am 60 years old.

No Snake Oil

I've just finished "Scattered Minds."

Fabulous book. You've obviously been in my kitchen, my living room, and yes, even in my bedroom without my knowing it. I know you: I've been married to you for twenty-six years.

Your book is hopeful, helpful, articulate, clear-eyed and well-grounded. It's simply the most helpful book I've read on ADD, and I've read most of them. It's humane, complex, sensible. You don't preach, patronize, or reach for the snake oil.

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The ADD Epiphany

I've had the ADD epiphany from your book Scattered. This is one of the most interesting books I've ever read because it's all about me. I thank you for writing it, but perhaps more importantly for writing it with such enormous compassion.

I am a 57 year old woman who recently found herself in the grip of a deep depression that made no sense to me. Many things contributed to it, that much I understood, but I seemed to be disintegrating. Many years ago I had been in therapy for "depression", and it was helpful, but it wasn't until I joined AA that I got better. Still and always many problems with the world continued, I just didn't drink or smoke cigarettes over them. I read spiritual books regularly and tried to be of service (I'm a nurse). Menopause hit hard and I experienced many losses. Finally I couldn't cope, my behavior was completely out of control, I understood nothing, was overwhelmed by everything and hated myself. Nothing helped - I read more good books, exercised, increased yoga time, quit my job, prayed, hid.

At last I sought therapy and the angel on my shoulder ensured I went to a woman who asked, "Has anyone ever suggested you might have ADD?" No one ever had.

I chose your book out of the confusing stacks of many because its title exactly described my state of mind. I bought it because right away it spoke to some deep essential truth in me - "the mind of the ADD flits about like some deranged bird that can light here or there for a while but is perched nowhere long enough to make a home."

Thank you for short chapters, understandable language, many life examples with which I could identify. I started to underline things that applied to me and have done so on virtually every page. You write beautifully, Dr. Mate, and always with hope. I was disappointed only in learning there is no magic bullet. But I am enormously grateful to you to have shown me, at long last, what on earth all this chaos and pain has been about. And very important to me was your admonition not to punish yourself for where you find yourself. It was, of course, my first overwhelming reaction. I'm looking at sixty, I thought, and now this? And then you gently say, "none of it could have been avoided, all of it had to happen not only for (her) to find the right direction, but to know that (she) has found it." Exactly. Now I know that all this pain is not because I'm fatally flawed, as I've always thought of myself, and just plain bad. Perhaps now the healing can begin.

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Parenting As An Alternative To Ritalin

I needed to tell you how very much my husband and I appreciate yourbook, Scattered Minds. What an absolutely insightful, informative, heart warming, uplifting, hope bringing book you have written.

In the course of reading the book, several things became very clear to us. The first one is that my husband apparently suffers from ADD and has all of his life! I always knew he was a little "left of center", however, I never realized there was a name for it. It makes all of the problems we've had together as a couple as well as with our child seem so much easier to deal with. True to form for an ADD adult, I think he's going to have a hard time reading your entire book, but fear not, I've asked him to read it a couple of chapters at a time. I know he, just like me, will receive an invaluable amount of reassurance from simply reading your book.

The second thing that I noticed was that, although I don't think my son suffers from an extreme case of ADD, the suggestions which you put forth in order to change the way we parent, are a wonderful alternative to Ritalin. My son has not been diagnosed with ADD however his pediatrician has suggested some "behavior modification" on our part and suggested that if that didn't work then Ritalin would be another idea. I've hesitated to think of that as a "cure", because none of us are overly keen on the idea of ingesting medicine (unless it's absolutely necessary)

Your theories and the ways you've suggested the healing be promoted make a ton of sense to me and within minutes of reading the section "Healing the ADD Child", I took your advice and invited my son to play cards with me. He literally sat bolt upright (from in front of the TV) and said: "Gee Mom, it's usually me who has to ask you to play cards. This is a nice change!" Well, needless to say, my heart overflowed with joy. Imagine, something as simple as being the "invitee", would never have occurred to me. Something that small seemed to make all the difference in the world as far as his behavior went yesterday. He seemed so much happier. I then took it a little further and took him into town, just the two of us. He asked me if we could leave Dad and his brother behind, and I wholeheartedly agreed. We then turned it into a wonderful full day outing, just the two of us. We did what he wanted to do and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I think last night was the first time in many, many years that I have put him to bed without ANY feelings of guilt. It just felt right. The way it's supposed to feel.

Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the wonderful service you've provided, by writing this beautiful book.

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Stopping A Spiral

I have been reading Scattered and am profoundly moved by it. I'm not finished with it yet, but it has already yanked me and my family life out of a downward spiral. Thank you.

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An Explosion Of Joy

I'm sure you know about synchronicity. I went to my library and your book Scattered fell on my foot when I was looking at the new books. I read it. Than I bought it. Now I've broadcast to about 30 people how wonderful it is. Like an veritable explosion of joy! I will be 70 in June, and been struggling with no, I mean NO self esteem for all these years. I even took the test for Mensa just to find out how dumb I was so I could figure out where to start to "get smart". Ha! Course I qualified but husband wouldn't go to gatherings as ""spouse", and wouldn't take test either. Husband was (we are no longer married) the "identified" ADD person. I was so inundated I couldn't see I have qualifiers to identify ME.

I would love to hear you if you are in our area. In the meantime, I BLESS YOU and THANK YOU.

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Gaining More Understanding And Compassion

I first heard about your book in Homemaker's Magazine and the description intrigued me because I have children, I work with children and I was once a child. I have read your book and it provided many answers to the behavior of a 3 year old child in my daycare, even though I didn't know the questions to ask. I doubt if I can convince the parent to read the book but it gives me tools and more understanding and compassion to try to help this child. We do not have to wait until children are in school to recognize the problem and the earlier we start to correct our own behavior, the better. Thank you for a wonderful book.

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Saving Our Daughter's Life

I am not sure I can adequately thank you for giving me a chance to right a wrong with our daughter.

My husband and I, adopted our daughter, Samantha, when she was 13mos old. We knew there were problems because at 13mos when most children were starting to take their first steps, our daughter could not even sit up on her own. We enlisted the help of a social agency and Samantha was deemed to be "neglected" and had not bonded. With a lot of love and touch, over the next year, Samantha "caught up" and had actually bonded with us. The agency stepped out of our lives with a warning that they truly could not foresee the residue of Samantha's first year. There were windows of opportunity that had been missed. We may have need of their services in the future.

Samantha is now almost 9 years old. She can be creative, cheerful, bright, humorous and energized. She can also at times be, weepy, angry, aggressive, oppositional and energetic. We have tried putting her in baseball, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, etc. and to date, the only successful outside activity is Trampoline. One on one. In group settings, Samantha causes disturbances and it is never her fault. At home, if she drops something, it is her sister's fault; even if the sister is not in the room. At school, social problems started in grade three, and are escalating in grade four. Samantha is being tutored twice a week to simply learn grade three work When her dad and I help her with her spelling tests at night, she will ask us "do I know this one?". From day to day, she cannot remember what she has already learned. Most days it seems she doesn't even care.

We were lucky enough to have two young adults move in next door when Samantha was a toddler. Over the years, they developed a great relationship with her. Both husband and wife are teachers. The wife a primary teacher and the husband a high school teacher. I had always assumed that was why they could put up with our daughter's energy and incessant talking. They probably knew her better than anyone, which turned out to be a blessing.

I had come back from an interview with Samantha's grade four teacher who had been teaching her for about one month. She was concerned that Samantha may have a learning disability. Samantha was floundering in her class. I had noticed that at home, she was more belligerent, more active and fidgety than she had been all summer. She had started to talk to herself. She also felt that her teacher did not like her. I was pouring out my problems to my young neighbors and asking for advice, since they both knew Samantha so well. They revealed to me that day, they both felt that Samantha suffered from Attention Deficit Disorder. My neighbor offered me a book to read that contained some information about ADD. That book was Scattered Minds.

We immediately took Hailey to a child neurologist. In hand we had school work, report cards and teachers letters. I did not presume to diagnose, but felt after reading your book, that my daughter had difficulties that were above average and that my inactivity was only further aggravating the situation. Your book could have been written about Samantha, so close were the symptoms. I was not surprised that the Connors tests showed ADD, oppositional, and some hyperactivity, what surprised my husband and I was that Samantha's test results were off the chart for attention deficit and oppositional. Samantha also had some cognitive problems as well as social problems.

Even prior to the Dr's visit, I had started to implement some changes from your book into our household. Each time I made a change, Samantha also changed, for the better.

I see my daughter in a different light. I used to think she was always fighting me. Now I see that she was just very frustrated. I even wonder if she wasn't clinically depressed. I have stopped taking any kind of night class at all. I am going to give Samantha every second of my time and encouragement she needs and deserves. When she falls backwards, I will understand. I am not spoiling her, I am simply understanding and empathizing.

Samantha's doctor has prescribed amitriptyline. I will be honest, had I not read your book, I would have refused her the medication. I am still hoping this to be a short term solution. It has been three weeks now and we are seeing subtle changes. According to Samantha, " her head no longer pulls away from her work". She also claims there is less "dancing" in her head. I swear I never realized. She just always seemed to be "different" but I never realized this. I cringe to think how tragic Samantha's life could have been, had I not been handed your book.

You were our light. You had seen what we were living. Thank you for our healing. As your book pointed out. "it is never too late". Our family has a long way to go and a lot of work ahead but now we understand why and which way to go. You have probably saved Samantha's life. My husband and I are sure of that. Now at least we have the opportunity to make up for some of our failings and possibly some from her first year as well.

P.S.: I used to say "I'm sorry to bother you" every time I approached someone. I haven't used that phrase since I read your book.

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A Hundred Mosquitoes

I read Scattered from cover to cover the weekend before my thirteen year old daughter was asked to leave her small girls' school because, although her marks are generally good and she has many friends, she is inattentive, messy and evidences an irritating counterwill. If I had not read your analysis of ADD and the narrative of your own history, I would have felt very angry with myself for not providing enough discipline and structure for her. I would have tried immediately to put a new "plan" into place and she would have felt alienated and rejected.

In the end, both of us would have believed that we had failed, that our natures were once again just not right. Instead we have spent a lot of time going for walks and talking. It has been, perhaps perversely, terrific.

When not in a state of passionate attention, working away all night on a project, I think of ADD as a hundred mosquitos, relentless and impossible to ignore. I used to see it as lack of will - very dispiriting. But the depth of your analysis and vision has allowed me to begin re-imagining the "disorder" and I am very grateful. My only regret is that we do not live in Vancouver.

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There Is So Much I Can Do

I attended your lecture here in Toronto in early May and purchased your book, Scattered Minds, which I have just this moment finished reading. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you for writing it and providing some much needed perspective in a sea of conflicting opinions. I hope more people will read it, especially teachers. (I mentioned it to my son's teacher who said dismissively that ADHD is genetic as she left the room; however the Vice Principal said he intended to purchase it for himself).

I guess I should mention that I am the mother of an ADHD 11 year old. As well, my husband and I suspect that my husband himself is ADHD (incidentally, he lost yet another job this week). Despite my initial bristling at the idea that I had caused this to develop this in my son, I am determined to help my son and was excited to read there is much I can do. I also appreciated the section on ADD adults and my husband is interested in having a look at what you have to say.

I will end here with a quick story about my son: Shortly after I attended your lecture, I was listening to him say his prayers. I suggested he might want to say one for himself but he replied that he didn't know what to say. I suggested that he say whatever he wanted. He said, "Dear God, help me get through my life".

Thank you again for writing the book, Dr. Mate. I now feel I have a good starting place and, God willing, I will help my son to do more than just "get through" his life, but to actually come to enjoy it.

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A Funny, Well Researched, Easy Book

I have tried to write this note several times.

I can't thank you enough for writing such a funny, well researched easy to read book, one that has already become for me a 'seminal' book. What you have written has helped me immensely. It has helped shed light on my own 'idiosyncratic' behaviors, some of which I thought were unique to me.

I have recommended your book to everyone I know . I believe it to be a helpful book for ANY one working with other people but especially for Teachers and parents. Most importantly I gave the book to my wife in hopes that it can help her understand me. She is only part way through the book but already she has begun to see my 'foibles' in a different light.

Please accept once again a heartfelt thank you.

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The Book Has Changed My Life
:
I am 47 years old, have a Ph.D. in physics, and have had a successful career as a research scientist. My wife and I (also a full-time working Ph.D. scientist) have three boys ages 5, 9, and 12.The kids are fine, due primarily to my wife's' incredible energy and ability to nurture and love, and the flexible nature of our jobs. I, on the other hand, have experienced though out life, many, many, of the problems you describe in your book. Now that our kids are at the critical ages were my problems had their origin, the severity of my despair regarding the issues of my own derailed development have intensified greatly.

I loved the book. I devoured it. It was an epiphany for me. I have read it over and over. I have had years of assorted individual therapy, but our family counselor, by far the most talented and effective of all the myriad of psychiatrists I have seen over the years, recommended it to us. The book has changed my life, and thereby the life of my children and family. I can't thank you enough for taking the time, and bearing the burden to write it. I have bought several copies, and passed them around amongst our circle of friends, all parents of young children, all exposed one way or another to the ADD crisis. If you had done nothing else in life but write this book, you should feel proud. Thank you.

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Enlightening In A Deep Way

Thank you for the exquisite book that you've written. I'm about 130 pages into it and am grabbing every spare minute to read.

I'm a 40-year-old woman who was diagnosed with ADD in 1996, after doing some research and study into the condition for some psychotherapy clients who were wondering about their own ADD potential. Lots of bells went off, so to speak. The scholastic interest became *very* personal!

I've read a fair bit on the topic; nothing I've read thus far has been as enlightening in such a deep way. I particularly appreciate your insights into the origins of ADD. I've always known intuitively that the condition is, in large part, a symptom of the frenzied society that we presently live in.

I laughed out loud at your admission on page 4: "There always had to be a book in my pocket as an emergency kit..." -- God forbid that I should have a 20-second space in my life without something to read!!! ;) I am known as a hard-core biblioholic amongst my friends; I never go anywhere without a book or magazine tucked into my briefcase, purse, car.......and at your description of the moment-to-moment distractibility on page 12 that begins with "You decide to clean your room..." I nearly fell out of my chair with empathic hilarity!!!!

Your personal stories are especially touching. I grieve with you the losses that you and your family have sustained over the years.

There are countless passages in your book that resonate to the core of me, and to the core of many people, I suspect. Your offering is a real gift and I will pass it on to as many people as possible.

Blessings and gratitude!

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Knowing That I'm Not Alone

A month or so ago I watched an Oprah show on ADD and it was like a revelation. Next, I bought your wonderful book, Scattered, and realized without a shadow of a doubt that I have ADD. At 58, I am running out of time and want to get a handle on the ADD so I don't waste anymore of my precious time!

You wouldn't believe how many passages in Scattered I've highlighted - it's as if you wrote that book for me. I am an adopted child. My birthmother went into a home to deliver me with the intention of leaving me there for adoption. (My father died in February of 1942, four months before I was born.) But she changed her mind about adoption and took me back to her married sisters, where she was living. For three months she struggled to keep me under very difficult circumstances before finally deciding to give me up. My adoptive mother got me a few months later.

At 10 years old I was sent to a private boarding school because I was a scholastic failure. One teacher there told me I was retarded, and I believed her and never told anyone about it because I was so embarrassed. After all, didn't that explain my wild behavior and inability to concentrate? My adoptive father, whom I adored, died when I was 13. I was not allowed to go to the funeral and a week later was back at boarding school. I was never close to my mother. I got pregnant at 18 and consequently married the father. The 18 year marriage was a nightmare because he was an alcoholic. By 1966 I had three children. It was also the year that we emigrated from England to North America.

Although I feel I have come along way, I still have a hard time applying myself; like typing this letter! I get bouts of depression for no reason and some days feel totally overwhelmed. My mind seems disorganized, as if it where a rudderless boat. Just reading your book and knowing that I am not alone has been a great help and an enormous relief.

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